


reus conscientia

by Anonymous



Category: Final Fantasy Tactics
Genre: Masturbation, Other, Religious Guilt, Underage Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:28:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28298988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Guilt and faith are often not far behind one another.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4
Collections: Anonymous





	reus conscientia

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jaydee_Faire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaydee_Faire/gifts).



Maybe if he made this quick he could feel less horrid for it. 

_This_ being Izlude sitting upon his bed on his knees, tunic drawn up and one hand hesitantly resting above his trousers. Truly, it did not have to be this difficult. All he would have to do was to release a little of the impulses that threatened to control him much like one would lift a pot’s lid to let the steam hiss out in a violent and quick spurt. 

That was all entirely natural, was it not? What made unbidden desire any less natural than the passage of time? Well. He wouldn’t get the answers being hesitant in this manner. 

But he wouldn’t feel any less miserable for inviting temptation into himself either. Quite the predicament Izlude realized he was in, stuck between his own faith and his unending curiosity at how an ill-placed touch or two could supposedly reproduce the bliss and warmth of good deeds. Mayhap the other apprentices were lying to him? 

A distant door closing startled Izlude out of his thoughts, his nails lightly raking up his torso in thoughtless fear. He remained on his knees, shaking a little. 

Tonight it would have to be now or not at all, for the coming morning would bring new duties and obligations and training. Izlude was just curious enough to make it now. 

His hand dipped under his trousers and he felt the apparent warmth of his hand grow cold from the heat emanating within. It was almost as startling as the biting chill of putting on armor in winter without the proper cloth and linens underneath. Izlude had fallen for that little incident based upon the other apprentices’ words as well...

He let out a soft gasp as he took a hold of himself, the stony chill of his hand sending a twitch up his length. The touch had certainly felt... different... but still not bad. Not yet. Regardless Izlude hesitated once more. 

Caplan in particular had told him a few parcels of advice that had since not sat quite well with young Izlude. That people willfully did sinful things, little lapses of judgement intended to ease their own consciousness of guilt. Just as Izlude would be now, right? 

Leavold, Caplan’s closest friend, had also told him the saint would assuredly want for his children to feel good for themselves. And neither his father nor Meliadoul had given any sort of advice on making one’s own good mood. He blanched a little though, thinking of his family now and how disdainful they might be were they to see him in this state. 

There was still a sliver of time left to turn back, he was only just poised to begin. 

Another closing door, some more footsteps passing away from his room-- Izlude made his choice a second time. This night would be the only night, he swore, and then no more. 

“Hah...” Izlude buckled into himself a little, unprepared for the strange sensation as he tested the motion of his hand. Maybe he was holding himself too tightly? It felt more like a faint burning than purely bliss.

He resumed palming his length at a slightly more appropriate pace, gasping as it twitched and hardened some in his hand. He hoped it did not stay that way, how could he ever explain this to anyone? But he also, in his mind, accepted that it would be his show of faithlessness to bear. 

Either boldness or desperation quickened his pace and Izlude inhaled sharply again as his young body was not prepared for the full twitch of pleasure that overtook him. No... this was not bliss at all... it was more like  _ heat _ , a fizzing and bubbling heat that he aggravated with his hand each passing moment. “Ahhhh...!” Izlude moaned, before biting his lower lip hard and chastising himself inwardly. 

This was becoming less a test of faith and more an indulgence, Izlude thought with a creeping fear in the back of his mind. One of the pinnacles of a truly pious person, after all, was that they were virtuous in all they did. So he had been taught.

Izlude thought as well that perhaps if he could not resist the siren call of his own touch, then he would at least abstain from shattering the holy silence of the church tonight. He was to displease Saint Ajora in one horrible misdeed and consequently attempt to redeem within the very same.

He didn’t think much more deeply upon these matters however when he resumed the tortuous drumming of his cock, his legs wobbling under the weight of his guilt as well as the resuming warmth of it. His teeth bit harder into his lip as he struggled to remain quiet. 

Izlude couldn’t repress a sudden gasp of surprise when a drivel of precum seeped from his cock nor the heady moan that escaped him moments later when he came all over his hand and the inside of his trousers. 

“G-gahh...” Izlude gasped, folding back onto his bottom as the final aftershock overwhelmed him. “Saint’s b-breath...” He needed to get up and clean himself entirely off immediately but he sat there instead; contemplating exactly what he had done. 

It did not answer or assuage his guilt-- but it had felt rather pleasant for a moment. 


End file.
